a practice i am keeping

there are parts of my life that ended

without asking my permission

not with closure

but with a long, dull ache

that learned how to live alongside me

i don’t reach for everything i used to

some habits fell away

others stayed because they help me get through

water, routines, messages sent just to say

i’m here, are you?

i still feel things all at once

joy arriving too loudly

grief refusing to lower its voice

some days i hold it together

other days i let it spill

and call that honesty

what saves me is rarely profound

it’s being known in small ways

someone remembering what i forget

someone staying when i say

this might be messy

i am learning how to lean

without apologizing for the weight

how to accept care

without turning it into debt

how to keep going

without pretending it doesn’t hurt

the past still reaches for me sometimes

but it doesn’t get to steer anymore

i am busy building something gentler

out of shared jokes, shared silence

so if there is a practice

i am keeping

it is this

to stay

to reach back

to trust what holds

to believe that moving forward

doesn’t mean leaving everything behind

only learning

where to place my hands